So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
Randomize
