Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
