oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
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