Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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