In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
