I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
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