yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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