On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Randomize
