I looked at my own cervix.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
