I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
