Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
