he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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