shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
