whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize
