I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
dude i'm inner monologue high
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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