Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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