Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
