Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize