Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
In other news, I just burned my penis
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
