that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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