i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
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