Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
