I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
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