Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Randomize
