I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
