Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
He shit in the fireplace
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
