You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
