I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
