His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
