nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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