We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
