Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
