porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Randomize
