guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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