Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
he wants to bone in the snuggie
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
