my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
