her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
The power of my boobs compel you
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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