Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
We were destined to go to rehab together
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
