I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
