Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
I forgot how hot balto sounded
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
