i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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