Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
You're a waste of cheezeits
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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