I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
