There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Randomize
