he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
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