All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize
