Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
