2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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