even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
the day after is always just damage control
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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