things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
